I Was Intimate With a Previous Woman. How Will That Affect My Future Marriage?
January/22/2012 05:38 PM Filed in: Marriage, Sex and Dating
The first thing to avoid is the false understanding that your previous sin won’t affect your marriage. Sin affects. That’s the nature of sin. It is destructive by nature. Can the affects of premarital sin be overcome? Yes. Jesus died to forgive sin and to make us into a new creation.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)
Some of the ways premarital sin affects are:
Guilt - As a husband, you will feel guilt and shame for not waiting until your wedding night. You will never be able to give your wife your body exclusively because your virginity was given away. It may be hard to forgive yourself. You need to accept that Jesus died for the sin of your premarital sex. The sin was put to death with Jesus (Col 2:14). Jesus now looks at you as a new creation, you need to see yourself as Jesus has recreated you to be.
Images - If a guy is sexually active before marriage, that puts images of intimacies with previous women in his mind. Flashbacks will happen at the most inappropriate moments. Previous sexual experiences may also cast an expectations of what sexual intimacy with your wife should be like. Those are unfair expectations to place upon your mate. Images and expectations are hard to work through, but not impossible. As a guy, ask God to cleanse and renew your mind. Ask him to make you into a one-woman man who is exclusively focused on your wife.
Insecurity - A wife, who may be naturally insecure, may have a hard time believing her husband is captivated by her alone. This is especially true when a husband confesses to her his struggles with guilt and images from a previous relationship. She will wonder if he is dwelling on intimate memories of her or a previous woman in place of her. Discuss these feelings with your spouse rather than letting Satan use them to draw you apart.
How can someone find healing from the sin of premarital sex?
Talk - Prior to marriage, you need to be honest with your future spouse about all your previous sexual experiences. You need to confess them to God and to your spouse. When you marry, your spouse should know all there is to know and to be confessed. Don’t hide this. Let them know the real you. The physical nakedness of the wedding night must be proceeded by the emotional nakedness of complete honesty between the two of you. On your wedding night, there should be no area of your life you haven’t already told your spouse about that they will struggle to forgive you of in the future.
If you are struggling to forgive your spouse from their premarital sexual experiences, it helps to remember you are not being asked to forgive them of something Christ hasn’t already forgiven them of. If Christ views them as a new creation, you have no right to view them as something different.
Claim Scripture - Memorize verses like 2 Corinthians 5:17. Repeat those verses whenever shame of your past drags you down.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)
Some of the ways premarital sin affects are:
Guilt - As a husband, you will feel guilt and shame for not waiting until your wedding night. You will never be able to give your wife your body exclusively because your virginity was given away. It may be hard to forgive yourself. You need to accept that Jesus died for the sin of your premarital sex. The sin was put to death with Jesus (Col 2:14). Jesus now looks at you as a new creation, you need to see yourself as Jesus has recreated you to be.
Images - If a guy is sexually active before marriage, that puts images of intimacies with previous women in his mind. Flashbacks will happen at the most inappropriate moments. Previous sexual experiences may also cast an expectations of what sexual intimacy with your wife should be like. Those are unfair expectations to place upon your mate. Images and expectations are hard to work through, but not impossible. As a guy, ask God to cleanse and renew your mind. Ask him to make you into a one-woman man who is exclusively focused on your wife.
Insecurity - A wife, who may be naturally insecure, may have a hard time believing her husband is captivated by her alone. This is especially true when a husband confesses to her his struggles with guilt and images from a previous relationship. She will wonder if he is dwelling on intimate memories of her or a previous woman in place of her. Discuss these feelings with your spouse rather than letting Satan use them to draw you apart.
How can someone find healing from the sin of premarital sex?
Talk - Prior to marriage, you need to be honest with your future spouse about all your previous sexual experiences. You need to confess them to God and to your spouse. When you marry, your spouse should know all there is to know and to be confessed. Don’t hide this. Let them know the real you. The physical nakedness of the wedding night must be proceeded by the emotional nakedness of complete honesty between the two of you. On your wedding night, there should be no area of your life you haven’t already told your spouse about that they will struggle to forgive you of in the future.
If you are struggling to forgive your spouse from their premarital sexual experiences, it helps to remember you are not being asked to forgive them of something Christ hasn’t already forgiven them of. If Christ views them as a new creation, you have no right to view them as something different.
Claim Scripture - Memorize verses like 2 Corinthians 5:17. Repeat those verses whenever shame of your past drags you down.